party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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