he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
