Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
