It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
tell me about the eggs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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