Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
