get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
