and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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