he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
