I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
