We're facebook friends in real life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize