I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
