Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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