I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
