i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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