I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
