ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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