Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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