i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
