I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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