What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
