If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
