chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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