Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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