My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
