By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
