I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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