New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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