This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
