I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize