So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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