He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
