I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
