you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I look better un-naked...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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