I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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