In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
