Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize