are you so shy because you have an std?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
