Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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