She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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