i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
