ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize