Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
