I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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