hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
