She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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