you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
