and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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