he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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