Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
