I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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