apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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