she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
