I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You have to summon your inner elephant
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
