taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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