you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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