my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
