i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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