Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
