what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize