woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
