I didn't shave. On purpose
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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