I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
