My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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