I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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