Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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