I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
