Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
