I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
