Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
