just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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