Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
