Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
