her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
