return my video game
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
