I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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