capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize