WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You can't special order awesome
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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