i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
