I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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