Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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