Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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