I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
