Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
