So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
