i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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