just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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